Me in Crucial Times: a Metaphor Of The Moon
Phases.
I once read a sentence, “..My life is pretty about the here and
now.” And I thought it sums up my current situation as a living thing,
talking about the idea of the present. Because I’m living here, in the present.
On a particular time, I see life is just a blurry and chaotic trajectory
that I needed to ride in. My head a bit messed, I’m somehow exploding inside of
it. On my crucial times, I love love love love being alone—not alone like lost
in the crowd, but alone. Just being serene in such severe
times. A perfect set of that me-time concept, don’t forget the hot tea
and nice meals. Ok, start to contemplate. At first I hope for inspiration to
come but sadly, the breakdown feeling hits instead. The period of: I'm genuinely
wrong for some points. I’m inside of the humongous maze, and shit, my head
resonances the same voice that tells me to run.
Tell me where. I don’t know. The clue is not enclosed yet. What I know it
just far. Out of the league, and what league. You are in the center of
a red line. No, I ain't longer have a red fucking line, what is line
either. These chaotic things spread everywhere. I vaguely see the lines, or I
just.................. transmigrated to the edge. So obviously, I can’t see the
line.
I remember of words I wrote back in 2017.
“ Tell me a story
About a place in far.
a place, at one point that describes your far.”
Now tell me where. Where’s that point. What is far.
The common definition of far couldn’t size in my head anymore. I do not understand.
Back then, I was sensing as a person, the definition might include some unrequited love
story shits. It was a period of time where longing means reflecting, when
aching means pouring, when loving means creating. As a person where’s not born
as an artist, I called them art.
But in a present?
Something changing, something is not the same. I’m losing myself over and
over again, me in that point of longing is not me in this point of longing. The
two longings here are facing different directions. I might be longing human
back then, but I’m now longing myself. My true veins.
Whoops I'm being cliche to brought that identity crisis again.
But we are indeed destined to go to some places—randomly—and long story
short, it makes we are here now. ......And where am I. I keep
thinking things on my head, that very vague and not vivid, random and
abstract—and it kinda makes me insane sometimes. I haven’t any conclusion yet,
I’m still running in this trajectory. Now, how about being teleported to your
final destination. I hate that I’m not very curious about my final destination.
By the end of the day, we are merely a dead body with our names written on the
grave. We only discover a character in that process towards the final.
What character am I someday? Will I be someone I imagine as me later?
The idea of me is represented by me on the surface. That
leads me to wonder about the other crazy statement: There might be another soul
underneath my soul. It just hiding somewhere, dancing in my mind. It was just a
glimpse mind before I started to truly contemplate about this. I know I'm crazy
but I hate to think that this probably a big deal. The soul that doesn’t
want to comes up to the surface, the ‘me’ I wish to be, the ‘me’
that probably is in another dimension, they are also me, right? I’m today
living me today, with some responsibilities that accompanying annoying
me. If I left those, I’m still me, right? Do I become something else? Do I
transform into another human?
Each of eight phases of the moon is still called moon by the way. The
Crescent, the first quarter, the full moon, they're just a moon for me before I
googling for each name. Moon Phases are a cool metaphor to understanding the
crazy idea about 'soul' from me. Until now, let's pretend that Moon Phases is
the ideal model for understanding every presence of human souls.
In a nutshell, What I really want to say is, there’s a separation between
the definition of you in what the actual you and you in
what you are supposed to be—and in this case will include some parameter. And
yes, This crazy doctrine hopes you to believe that we structured by lots of
layers. Think about it.
The next question is discovering how many layers that compose me.
I assume, If you run in a trajectory where it finished at your death day, you running in the flat-monotonous trajectory. If you running and don’t give a damn about the moon that keeps following you and keeps changing its shapes, you running in the rounded cycle. It means you are not thinking about the needs for change. You’re not coming back at the precise shape you were. Consciously or not, you’re transforming into other you.
So let’s run far, far in terms vertically, not horizontally.
Tell me where?
To the deepest layer of you. Tell them to come.
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I thought it will be a cool deal.
